Lost War

I can't get enough of this little boy and his cute butt. I have been chastised a few times for a previous post that also featured his yummy hind cheeks, but I just don't care what y'all think. The fact is that those are the most delicious hams in the world.

These days, I'm wondering what happened to my sweet little baby. Don't get me wrong, I love that Matthew's crawling now - soon to be walking - and becoming more independent. What I don't love is that the sweet little sleeper that I had worked so hard to create seems to be gone with the wind. In his place is a new, early-rising, nap-refusing, sometimes-a-short-napper-sometimes-a-marathon-napper, don't-try-to-pigeon-hole-me-Mom little boy. So, for the past few mornings, I've been up at 5AM with a little ball of energy who won't be calmed back to sleep.

It wouldn't be that bad except that I know that most of this is my fault. I'm usually in his room by the second cry because in my middle-of-the-night stupor I always convince myself that he's been screaming for hours and I've just heard him. During the times that I don't rush in, I get suckered into going in when I hear him use his new-found secret weapon, "Maaaama! Maaaama!". It gets me every time. Which is why he wins. He always wins.

At 5AM I am furiously thinking, "I have GOT to whip this boy into shape! I'm going to take a nap with him today so that I can do battle with him tonight." Then I don't take a nap because I am blogging or reading other people's blogs written while they should have been asleep and I say, "I am going to bed immediately after he does tonight so that I will be well-rested to deal with all of his early-morning shinanigans." And then my friend calls at 9PM - the first adult I've spoken to all day - and I chat for an hour.

And then 5AM comes and I realize that even if I win a battle or two, the war is his. I will never be able to turn away from his cries for comfort, or stay angry at him when he looks up at me with his black eyes. So, I called my own mother this morning and got a little verbal TLC, had a cup of coffee, and went to the beach.